The other night, Colton came into my room and said, “I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about something.”
I pried my eyes open and said, “What?”
Colton, with tears in his voice, said, ” I can’t sleep, because I’m wondering why God always says no to me when I pray to him? Like, I asked for a really big, fun birthday party with lots of friends and I only had one friend, and I asked him to keep my fish safe and they still die.”
I gave him my best middle-of-the-night wisdom.
“Oh Baby, I don’t know all the answers. I think that sometimes God gives us what is best for us and that isn’t always what we ask for. Sometimes things happen in our lives and we grow stronger from them…”
Pretty lame answer, I know. I tucked him back in bed and asked him if we could talk about it later. Back in my own bed, I had a hard time going back to sleep. Partly because I was now dealing with mother-guilt over the birthday party thing. And partly because I didn’t really know what else to say to Colton. Truthfully, I sometimes feel the same way. Do my prayers really reach GOD, Creator of Everything, the BIG GUY Himself?
In my head I know they do. I believe they do. I pray. Sometimes, though, I want to feel it more. I think what Colton is getting at is that the whole relationship-with-God thing seems a little one-sided sometimes. I know He speaks to us… through the Word, etc. And I know He answers prayer. I’ve seen miracles. But how do I encourage the faith of an eleven-year-old who feels like God doesn’t hear him? More and more, as my children grow, I realize that faith is not something I can “give” them. So, I still need to have that talk…
…I’ll pray about it.
May 6, 2008 at 9:15 am
You bring up and interesting point.
All animals have senses, instincts, et cetera. You mentioned that you don’t “feel” God when you pray. I submit that your instincts are telling you “God” isn’t hearing you.
May 6, 2008 at 11:22 am
Kurt: But sometimes I DO feel Him. So, as a mature, believing person, I decide to rely on what I know rather than what I feel. There are times when I don’t feel that connected to my husband. And sometimes I feel a deep connectedness with my husband. Regardless, I am secure in his love for me. My struggle in parenting is to walk with my children as they develop their own faith. I’m not interested in fostering mindless religiosity. So, I’m still pondering my talk with my son.
May 6, 2008 at 11:54 am
I’m glad you’re not one of those off-the-wall fundamentalists who brainwash their kids. As a parent, I know you have the toughest job in the world. I think, with a sincere, devoted mom like you, he’ll turn out okay.