I guess that is how I am feeling. At loose ends? Tested? Uncertain? All good labels, things I feel from time to time. But I think restless is the best definition for this Monday morning. I get this way from time to time. And then I feel guilty. For feeling restless. Because, really, what do I have to complain about? So now I am restless and guilty. Which throws me into procrastination mode. Which is maybe where the restlessness originates? Because there are things I need to do, the doing of which, to be completely honest, does not excite or inspire me. I am officially in a funk.

So there you have it. On this Monday morning I am a funky, restless, guilty, procrastinator.

I know what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to count my blessings, be grateful, pray, do something nice for someone else, remember the less fortunate, call a friend, read my bible, make a to do list, pull myself up by my boot straps, look on the bright side … and get’er done.

And I probably will do that. Later.

I’m kidding! Kind of.

No, really. I’ll be fine. I recognize these feelings for what they are. A few difficult relationship experiences that led to some negative internal dialogue which resulted in some defensive posturing (how’s that for a psych major!) followed by those I just don’t really want to do this anymore feelings which make me feel … restless. Like I’d rather just escape for a while.

So there you go. I’ve thrown these words out on the page and I’ll post it and then I’ll read it later and think, Oh Janelle, you shouldn’t have said that. Or, You should have at least found a bible verse to attach to the end. It would seem less whiney with a verse to end on.

But I can’t think of a verse at the moment that fits my funky, restless, guilty, procrastinating Monday morning blues.

Or maybe I am just too restless to spend the effort.

 

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