I once heard a speaker at a homeschool conference tell this story about her son. About how he lived his whole life, from the time he was very small, with the dream of working one day in the mission field. He wanted to serve God in a very specific, and very dangerous as it turned out, place. And as the time came for him to leave, to fulfill this dream, the mother shared her fears with her son. She was afraid for him, for his safety. Maybe he would consider choosing something safer?

And the answer he gave her has remained with me ever since. Mom, he said. I haven’t only given Jesus my life. I’ve also given him my death.

Gulp.

In our ladies class we are studying the book of Esther. The strange and delightful book that never mentions God. A difficult book in many ways, where the heroine is a beauty queen winner. Or, more accurately, a sleep-with-the-king contest winner.

It is a book about destiny. About doing hard things. About doing right things. And the crux of it all, the tipping point of the story, is when Esther makes her personal do-the-right-thing choice.

… I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.

Bravery? Resignation? Obedience? All of the above? I don’t know for sure what was in her heart, but I know she made the decision to do something very difficult because she was convinced it was the right thing to do.

In this bible study, Beth Moore asks me to consider this question for myself. To ask myself, what might be the hardest thing for me to do, or the most difficult thing that I might have to deal with in my life? And then to decide, ahead of time, that even if that might happen, God is still God and I will still serve him.

This has been hard for me to do. I don’t like to go to those scary places, to consider those difficult possibilities. I am not a brave person. I am not a if I perish, I perish kind of person. Not naturally, anyway. I fear my faith might not take me through such a valley. Or maybe I fear that if I do embrace such faith, God will take me up on my words, and the thing I fear might actually happen.

If I only had my bravery, my mustered faith at this moment to rely on, I am afraid I would be lost. And so, while I can’t quite go to the scary place ahead of time, what I can say, and what I believe, is this.

I know that God is good. I know that he is in charge. And I know that, while my faith may be weak and my knees may tremble, he is strong and he is love. And whatever may come, whatever I may face, he will remain. And I trust that he will give me the strength I need, when I need it. The strength, the courage, the faith, that I need each day, for that day.

So I do not live in fear. I live in faith. The faith he provides that is enough, that carries me, today. And that I trust will carry me tomorrow. Come what may.

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