The Positive Me would tell myself to rephrase that statement. Not have to read, but get to read.

Today I get to read a book.

As if that will somehow trick my brain into forgetting that besides the reading of the book (the title of which I can’t even remember at the moment, nor do I know for sure under which pile the book is hiding!) in time for my book club meeting tonight, I also have children and meals and baking and chickens and… all waiting for my attention. And we were away all day yesterday and the house is a mess.

My brain will not be tricked today.

This morning I read Mr. Seth Godin’s good advice. Today he suggested approaching (in his case, business – in my case, you know, MY LIFE) with anticipation rather than anxiety.

When you work with anticipation, you will highlight the highs. You’ll double down on the things that will delight and push yourself even harder to be bold and to create your version of art. If this is going to work, might as well build something that’s going to be truly worth building.

If you work with anxiety, on the other hand, you’ll be covering the possible lost bets, you’ll be insuring against disaster and most of all, building deniability into everything you do. When you work under the cloud of anxiety, the best strategy is to play it safe, because if (when!) it fails, you’ll be blameless.

Sounds good, doesn’t it.

Here’s the thing, though. Seth, God love him, is a man. And I don’t think he completely understands the neurotic pressure we women place on ourselves. I mean, I’m a flake at the best of times, trying to manage life with the organizational talents of a four-year-old. I’ve missed appointments, forgotten meetings, and lately made macaroni tuna casserole for supper more times than I care to remember. And the last time I made it, I forgot the tuna.

Here’s the other thing. As much as I know I am a mess, I don’t want anyone else to know it. Not really.

So I’ll joke about it here for a few minutes, and then I’ll be off on a frantic mission to try to get those things done that need to be done today. And I’ll probably skim the last few chapters of the book I’m supposed to have read for tonight so I can fake my way through the discussion. Yep. That’s the truth.

What’s that phrase that I keep seeing on t-shirts and coffee mugs? Keep Calm and Carry On?

Ya, right.

Sorry, Seth. I’ll face tomorrow with anticipation. Today, I’m afraid, anxiety wins.

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