Anyone else feel this way? Like, just point me in the right direction and tell me what the rules are. I don’t want to have to make another decision about anything, ever again.
Should I go gluten-free? Sugar-free? Dairy-free? Probiotic? Vegan? Raw?
Can we just eat air?
Am I working hard enough, parenting hard enough, trying hard enough?
Should I be more supportive of this or that cause, or ministry, or outreach, or whatever?
Should I take this course or write these words or make this trip?
Do I try this or that, or just stick with what I know?
So I turtle. I tuck my head and I withdraw a bit and just… breathe.
I run a hot bath and while I’m waiting for the tub to fill, I pick up the laundry scattered on the floor. I do that one thing, and then I do the next. I mix up those gluten-free pumpkin pancakes and I heat the griddle and I ladle batter from bowl to pan. And while they cook and the sweet, spicy smell fills the kitchen, I gather the dirty dishes and pile them by the sink.
The panic subsides and the mountain seems less intimidating and the day seems a little brighter.
I cook the pancakes and I call the children and I drink a cup of coffee. Together we read living words and I remember that I have already been shown the way and I already know what to do. I remember that it’s about being kind and doing love and sharing words and space and time.
Breakfast over and chores and math and music and history and – life – ahead. I write some words and send them to you.
And then I do the next thing. And then the next.
Today is a day of one small step and then another.