A book club made up of introverts. Imagine.
Although there are extroverts who read and who join book clubs, I’m sure. Just not ours.
Sunday night was my re-entry, so to speak. I’d been on book club sabbatical for several months, trying to do all the things that had become pressing, suffocatingly so, in my life. I’d missed it. I’d missed the gathering of these women, the conversations about thoughts and words.
The book was Quiet, by Susan Cain. Interesting to discuss this quiet book in this group of quiet women.
Most of us liked parts, agreed with parts, and skipped parts of this book. It’s dense, and it’s study-based, and honestly, it took some work to get through it. It didn’t grab me, not really. Even though I’m introverted by nature, it wasn’t a book with which I related. I’m not sure why?
Maybe we aren’t such a tribe, we introverts. Maybe we don’t need to make ourselves one. Maybe the fact that we are introverts makes the whole idea of there being a group of us a bit ridiculous. Maybe there are as many differences among introverted people as there are among, well, people.
Honestly, the tag line threw me a little. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
Why power? Why does everyone need to be powerful. Why not The Place of Introverts, or The Peace of Introverts, or The Purpose of Introverts?
I know why, actually. The word power is a marketing word. It tests better. It sells books better. But, whatever.
I was struck, though, by the re-realization of how noisy the world is. Introverted or not, there’s just a whole lot going on out there. Earplugs are required. Filtering out the noise, the distractions… this is the skill I need. This is the challenge I face. The challenge we all face.
Today I’m baking. The children are studying. For the moment, the house is quiet. Soon, it won’t be. Something will come up. A phone call, a kid with a need, a husband coming home.
But the quiet minutes, they are a gift. I’m thankful for them.
Whether you work, whether you parent babies or teens, whether you are single, whether your career is inside or outside of your home… wherever you are at in the wide wide spectrum of personhood, I pray you find ways to make space for yourself in your day. And treasure that.
September 24, 2013 at 11:14 am
I was intrigued by that book, as I am an introvert, but as usual you brilliantly pulled something fascinating out of just the title, whether there is such a thing as a group of introverts and whether they want to have power? I think it’s pretty ridiculous how the media and society likes to assign qualities to vast swathes of people, this race is like that, this gender is like that, etc. Perhaps the thing that distinguishes introverts as much as anything is their dislike of conformity, in which case they are unlikely to form groups or seek power. And yes, I love quiet.
September 24, 2013 at 1:20 pm
Did you read it, Kathleen? In most cases, I found it hard to apply in any kind of useful way. And a bit disrespectful of the characteristics of extroverts.
September 24, 2013 at 11:40 am
I am an introvert also… I NEED the quiet in my life. This is a great post, I agree, there does not need to be power, and I understand the marketing aspect of it, but I think, as introverts, we have a quietness about us that helps those who aren’t quiet.
Being in the city where my daughter lives I have again noticed the noise pollution outside. I walk the baby and there is so much noise, sirens, planes, trucks, construction… plus, this being D.C., there are all the added noises of motorcades and such…
It’s important to find the quiet in ourselves, in our homes, in our spirits. Thanks for this post. DAF
September 24, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Sometimes, I think, it is about actual quietness. But sometimes, for me anyway, it’s more the idea of not having anything required of me. Socially, I mean.
September 24, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Oh, yes! I love it when we have no social commitments and I can stay at home!
September 25, 2013 at 8:21 am
I know. Evenings are tough for me to drag myself out there.
September 24, 2013 at 12:02 pm
I got the book out of the library, but only skimmed parts of it. I thought it was a little boring, but then again I’m not much of a nonfiction reader. What I think is interesting is how popular it seems to be lately to be introverted- most of my real-life friends say they are, most of the bloggers I read say they are. Are people becoming more introverted? More likely to admit it? Maybe it’s more common than people think, and maybe the lines aren’t always so clear-cut between intro and extraversion. I’m at heart an introvert, but I can be very outgoing and sociable when I choose to be.
But I ended up dropping out of the book group I started because I can only make so much time for social stuff in my life, and it didn’t make the cut 🙂
September 24, 2013 at 1:26 pm
I agree, it seems to be a trend that it’s cool to be “introverted.” Personally, I think there are degrees and rarely is a person at one extreme or the other. I consider myself introverted, with skills :). I’ve learned lots of ways to be more comfortable in social and public speaking situations. But at the end of the day, I want peace and quiet to recharge.
September 24, 2013 at 6:45 pm
I always thought I was extroverted because I’m a bit loud, I’m not afraid of public speaking etc. It wasn’t until my alone time was taken away (i.e. after kids) that I realized how much I need to be alone to recharge. I agree with Miriam that the lines are pretty fuzzy.
September 25, 2013 at 8:19 am
Yes, the official definition is about what “gives you energy” – being alone or being with people. But honestly, there are so many variable, including, as you say, stage of life.
September 24, 2013 at 4:41 pm
Janelle, thanks for this thought provoking post.
The title sounds interesting. Since you’re ambivalent about it though, I’ll go check it out from the library instead of downloading it on my kindle. I’m an introvert and I do think there’s great power in “me” time. Most of my ideas, for example, come from “belly-button staring.”
From my side of the ocean, it seems that there are some societies with more “extroversion” and some with less. And introversion may also be about not-expressing as opposed to wanting to be alone. In Japan for example, the most important man (hardly any women!) in a delegation will speak the least. And the reasons why they have so much alcohol and “hostesses” at business functions is to “oil the conversation” along because otherwise, everyone is just too introverted. Yet, strangely, this is a very “Groupie” society too.
September 25, 2013 at 8:31 am
I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit. I remember how uncomfortable I’d get in girl groups as a teen, especially when it started getting “silly.” I’m wondering if my definition of introversion would be the level to which one can tolerate and participate in silliness!
September 24, 2013 at 6:48 pm
Perhaps they used the phrase “power of introverts” because introverts don’t always see themselves as powerful? I imagine that an extremely introverted person may quite easily see themselves as quite peaceful or purposeful. But it’s not the common view of powerful. It’s an interesting question.
September 25, 2013 at 8:20 am
I still think it’s a marketing word 🙂 the issue of power is not addressed in the book, as far as I remember, although I did skim some parts of it.
September 26, 2013 at 7:55 am
Oh, what a shame. I do think it’s an interesting question – how being introverted can also be powerful. You’ll have to write that book, Janelle. 🙂
September 24, 2013 at 9:11 pm
“Maybe the fact that we are introverts makes the whole idea of there being a group of us a bit ridiculous.” You made me laugh! I read the book, but I enjoyed the TED lecture more. My husband believes there ought to be a middle category for people who need both stimulating and quiet places, with and without lots of people. What label would we put on that pigeon hole? Intraverts?
September 25, 2013 at 8:24 am
I’ll have to look up the TED lecture. She uses the term “ambivert” in the little quiz at the top of the book, but I don’t think she ever addresses the term in definition or function. Truly, of course, there are many, maybe most, who fall midway on the scale.
Glad I could make you smile 🙂
September 25, 2013 at 11:34 am
Ambivert. ok.
September 25, 2013 at 11:38 am
🙂
September 25, 2013 at 12:40 am
I began reading this one myself, but soon lost interest. It starts of light and interesting but as you have said, it then ends up ‘dense’ and hard work. I like being an introvert and i speak when necessary i don’t think i need a book to tell me how to.
September 25, 2013 at 8:25 am
You are a comfortable introvert, then 🙂 I think I have spent a fair bit of time feeling unhappy about my introvertedness, as it seemed it was “better” to be more extroverted. I’m more comfortable, and happier, now.
September 25, 2013 at 8:31 am
I think life made me who i am and i can’t remember being any different, but my sister is definitely more extrovert than i am.
September 26, 2013 at 2:17 am
I still haven’t found s book club!
I am an introvert with an outgoing public face 🙂
September 26, 2013 at 8:49 am
I so enjoyed getting back with my group. I hope you can find one. We all have a public face we wear when we are out, but it can be hard to maintain it. For me, anyway:)
September 26, 2013 at 11:47 pm
Our world is made up of all kinds of people. I myself can be somewhat introverted at times. I believe we adapt to our surroundings and that helps us function. I have not heard of this book but the idea of a book club is wonderful. It is often I will read something and think about what other people thought. 🙂
September 27, 2013 at 8:53 am
I love my book club, Susan. You’d be a great book clubber:)
October 16, 2013 at 4:07 pm
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