Faith is living without all the answers to the why questions.
That’s what the preacher said, the other Sunday, and I wrote it down so I could remember to think on it a bit.
I do have questions. I want to know why Jian Ghomeshi?, and why Ferguson?, and why slavery?, and why ebola? It’s hard to put those things together on the same shelf as God loves and Jesus saves, you know?
I wish the world was better. I wish we lived better in the world. I wish the horror and sadness and evil would stop. Just stop.
If I’m honest, my faith is pretty wobbly, most of the time. It’s there, and I’m thankful for it. But it’s tinier than the tiniest mustard seed most days, and I haven’t moved many mountains.
But when the why’s begin to overwhelm and the questions shout, I try to remember these things:
Why such aching beauty?
Why so many selfless people?
Why children’s smiles and goodnight hugs and clean kitchens?
Why Christmas and music and art and homemade cookies?
Why parents and heritage and the seasons’ changing glories?
These why’s haunt me, almost more than the tragedies out there in the world. I have been gifted with all of these good things, but I forget so often the wonderfulness of them. I let them slip through my hands like they are sand instead of diamonds, and I miss the treasure.
Why have I been so adorned?
This is my faith as much as anything. To accept the good gifts and to be thankful, even as the world groans around me.