I wrote this amazing post the other day. It was really good, you guys. You would have liked it a lot. And then I lost it (don’t talk to me right now about farm internet) and try as I might, I couldn’t remember the way the words had gone together.
They were words about how a random, throw-away comment can sometimes wiggle its way into your head and haunt you for years. It’s happened to me more than once, but the time I’m thinking of was when, years ago, a friend and I were talking (who knows what about?) and she said, I hope I never get fat arms. I hate it when women have jiggly arms.
Now, this was back when my arms were young and skinny, but from then on I was terrified of getting jiggly arms.
Time and children and a few thousand cookies later, I spent a year being Mom to a little girl, which was wonderful and fun but also hard and challenging, and I super-snacked through the struggles of loving her. One day I saw a picture of myself and, horror of horrors, my arms were fat. And the shame of having fat arms, of having let myself go, was overwhelming. I resolved right then to never ever ever wear short-sleeved shirts again. Ever.
I wrote words about all of that in the post I lost the other day, only I wrote them better, and then I ended with a whole thing about how I’ve made a kind of peace with my arms, and the rest of me for that matter, and some more tralala about loving ourselves for who we are on the inside and all that stuff. There are a thousand articles out there telling us the same thing.
Then, boom, I lost it all and I spent the day frustrated and out of sorts because losing words is not fun for me.
Here’s the thing though, because God is awesome and has amazing timing. See, after supper, while the dirty dishes were still scattered across the kitchen table and the children and I were in the living room doing living room things, there was a knock on the door. I walked out to the entryway and found two women there, a friend of mine and a young girl. It took me a second to get my bearings enough to realize the girl was my girl. The girl I’d written the lost words about that very morning. The girl who’d given me fat arms.
Guess what? I didn’t give a fiddlestick about any of that, and my arms worked just fine for holding her in the tightest, squeeziest hug I could manage.
March 25, 2015 at 12:08 pm
This is beautiful! That girl clearly loves you!
March 25, 2015 at 1:15 pm
It was so great to see her!
March 25, 2015 at 12:14 pm
There is nothing better than a hug that is more than a hug, it is something that says I love you, I’ve missed you, and let me hold on to you for a while. I am so glad you got one of those hugs. I really dislike losing words from something I feel is wonderful and poignant, it doesn’t happen often that I am that clever to write like that. I am going to learn the trials of country internet soon… it’s going to be an adventure for me to deal with country internet from now on, we have lived in the city for so long and hopefully next month we will be country folk…. Great post, thanks for sharing this, and my arms have jiggled so long I forget what it was like to not have jello arms.
March 25, 2015 at 1:16 pm
Oh dear friend, God bless your internet! Thank you for your kind words:)
March 25, 2015 at 5:13 pm
We have heard from our future neighbor that the internet leaves much to be desired… hubby is researching an answer as he works from home and is dependent on the net. Should be interesting! 😉
March 26, 2015 at 9:48 am
Love God’s timing and how he let you realize holding her was more important than any words you could have lost.
June 4, 2015 at 6:17 am
In a way it turned out better that you lost your words because the ending you had to your other post couldn’t have been as beautiful as the ending to this one. And from what I see in this picture your arms look just fine. 🙂